Wow. I suck at writing in this. I started this right before I moved and I thought it would be so great to write about every part of my new life in Colorado and obviously I haven't written even once! Maybe I can make amends now.
For starters I did move to Colorado. I left my life in Virginia and I haven't been back since. It still feels surreal sometimes that I live here. I spent a good portion of my past life wanting to do things and then not doing them because I didn't think I could. Even though I always hoped to leave Virginia I guess I never really thought I would.
It's been crazy sometimes and I've done things I never thought I could do. I spent almost two months of my life being unemployed. That was scary. I had money in the bank, but I knew that money wouldn't last forever. It was scary...yes, also it was quite nice! I got to sleep all I wanted. I got to lounge around the house and watch Desperate Housewives all day. I pretty much got to do whatever the hell I felt like doing without worrying about being a responsible working adult. That probably won't happen again for a very very long time, if ever.
In March my friend helped me get a job at a bar across from the baseball stadium. Working downtown at a bar in a fairly big city was...interesting. It wasn't as fun as I hoped it would be and I didn't make as much money as I had hoped either. Serving drunk people all day was an experience. I got hit on a lot. Drunk people think it's perfectly acceptable to put their hands on their waitress. Some even went so far as to try to kiss me or hug me. In the worst moments I always knew one day I would be able to say, "hey remember that time I worked at that bar in Denver??" and it would be a cool thing to be able to say. And thank God now it's over and I don't have to serve shots to drunk idiots anymore!
At the end of May my money started to get alarmingly low and the tips at the bar even lower. I don't think I've ever been so poor in my life. Not even in college. I decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to put some feelers out for a big girl job. I joined monster and career builder. I applied for a job at JP Morgan along with about five other places. I never thought those job websites really worked, but let me tell you I'm a believer now because JP Morgan did call me one Monday afternoon. I Interviewed a couple days later and by Friday I had a job again! Gainful employment with health insurance and a 401K. Hizzah! I'm pretty much a glorified receptionist. It's a good job though and I'm very lucky and thankful to have it. I should know. I sit and watch CNBC all day about how the economy is going down the toilet and unemployment is at all time highs. AND, JP Morgan sent me to NYC all expenses paid for a few days for some training on Park Avenue. Not too shabby.
I've made new friends, been here and there, dated a few guys of interest and a few not of interest. Sometimes I've been homesick. In my worst moments of missing my family and being poor and hating the bar I even thought about going home. Giving up. I know there are probably more of those moments to come in the future. I don't think I'll ever go home again though. Not to live anyway. I'm not even sure home is going to be Colorado forever, but it's home for right now and I'm so happy I made it. I look around at so many people I know who aren't happy with their lives. Whether it's where they live or their jobs or just the kind of person they want to be but aren't and I don't mean to sound superior, but I'm glad I had the courage to get out of my "unhappy comfort zone" and take a risk that I could be happier. It's easy to become complacent or to settle for the familiar. After all even if we are miserable everyday we take comfort in our misery. I know I did.
So many months of my life have been focused on putting myself as far as out of my comfort zone as I could get. Quitting my job, moving, starting new jobs, meeting new people, first dates, etc. Now I'm mostly back in the zone. And yet somehow I find myself restless some days. I used to be a die hard fan of the predictable. I was a planner through and through planning my life by the week, month, and year. I graduated college, I got married, bought a house, it was all going according to the plan. And then it all blew up in my face and I was left with no plan. It's funny how life can be so simple and also so complicated and deep and emotional. I don't think I want my old plan anymore. I don't know what I want now. Where will I go from here? What happens next? I always tried to be one step ahead of that question and now I just don't know. Sometimes I feel panic stricken. How can I move forward with no plan? I guess life happens whether you have a plan in place or not. And the best things that have happened to me in the past year have been totally unplanned. Who knew a planner like me could learn to fly by the seat of her pants?
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